What not to wear on your gap year
Holidays are a time when you're allowed to relax and de-stress. However, what you wear on your vacation may have the capability to make others around you unrelaxed and stressed.
Why? Because what people sport on holiday bypasses the laws of their own land, resulting in the upsetting of the friends and family that have accompanied them.
Where are you going with all that room in your slacks? Unless it's a solo mission to the arctic, you don't need to be wearing anything that can transport grains by the tonne. Just wear a nice sleek pair of shorts.
An offender in a linen pair
Cut-off denim shorts
But not too tight. You have to strike the balance when it comes to shorts, in terms of length and how roomy they are. As such, it's crucial that you steer clear of cut-off denim shorts. They'll be too hot if you're in a sunny climate for one thing, and you'll also look like your midlife crisis has arrived twenty years early.
Any shorter and the proper authorities will be contacted
Culturally insensitive garments
You're in Morroco, sampling the delights of what the amazing country has to offer. This is great, but don't get too carried away and buy anything that will make you seem like an archetypal offensive tourist. This means no berets in France, fezzes in Morocco or lederhosen in Austria. It's offensive, tacky and will more than likely get you in some hot bother.
"Paint me like one of your British girls"
Sandals are a minefield. There are so many types that look terrible, the worst of all being the strange invention of those ones that are designed for people who want to trek up a mountain whilst having well-ventilated toes. My advice: just wear some nice canvas shoes if you want to go for a walk and put on some traditional sliders should you want keep your feet airy.
Sandals and socks: God's form of natural selection
You might think that you look the business in your Leicester City kit, but honestly no one else does. Football jerseys should be limited to a kick about in the park or wearing to a match. Other than that they should be left to the professionals.
"Everyone on holiday needs to know about the mediocre team I support"
A busy shirt
Holidays may be a time for outlandishness, but a 'whacky' shirt will only draw negative attention to you. Remember, it will be an assault on everyone else's eyes, not yours.
"So where's the party at, fellas?"
You're a 3-time Olympic swimmer, ay? Oh, you're not? Then why, oh why did you feel it appropriate to pack all of your privates into some lycra swim briefs? Cut it out before you're removed from the swimming pool on grounds of indecency. There are children present for God’s sake.
A babe magnet in action
This is for your own good. Condoms may be 99% effective, but wearing a fedora is the most successful contraceptive ever invented. For an even higher success rate, try tipping it at a group of girls whilst bellowing "afternoon, maladies."